3 ---

20 th dec 2023

can I comprehend the totality?

The vastness, the height, the depth,

the wisdom, the power, the beauty, the perfection

of All that Is Here.

is my mind open enough?

is my heart encompassing enough?

is my soul forgiving enough?

am I divine enough?

Life,

you have stretched me

beyond comprehension.

every time I crash at the very bottom -

I touch upon your wisdom;

every time I do not understand -

I am shattered by your omnipresent power;

every time I see you nude, unmasked, wild -

I am enchanted by your raw beauty;

every time my shadows creep out and tease me -

I desire your perfection.

My mind holding onto concepts, still

judgments inhabiting my heart, still

My being crippling, c r a w l i n g, s u c c u m b i n g

Oh humanness!

surrender surrender surrender surrender surrender surrender surrender

give it all up (to Life)

concepts opinions judgements

wants dreams desires

weakness smallness

lay your humanness

on the table

oh Life!

here I am

nude, unmasked

my humanness

in surrender

perfect with my shadows

I bow

to you

Life

take me as I am

human divinity

I am

perfect

as I am

nude

unmasked

with my shadows

Wisdom

Power

Beauty

Perfection

embodied

I am who I am

I am

Life

C17: via Late Latin sōliloquium, from Latin sōlus sole + loquī to speak

sōliloquium

2 ---

14 th dec 2023

i thought I was to build bridges

over this river

with its wild current

and deep dim waters;

all that scared me so.

Connecting one bank with the other,

creating ways to overcome.

I tried,

intensely

brick by brick

step by step.

The bridges kept falling

and I was frightened of diving

into the deep of her.

A perceived threat of

no dry… my… thread left;

and so it continued

until one day I realised that

this river is Life,

this current is aliveness,

and her black waters reflect

immense Light.

I know now

there is no need for a bridge,

or a structure of any sorts.

The River whispers

the song of Freedom.

Since I sat at her bank,

quietly still

to listen closely

to the melody of wholeness,

she enlivened me;

my body submerged in hers,

hers in mine.

Her essence has expanded

into my being and

my being dives deeper

into Her, daily.

Her current carries

me effortlessly

and I am in awe

of this wonder

simply floating.

At times fear comes

when I’m faced with a big turn

or a sharp rock.

a whirlwind

or a w a t e r -

fall.

My body tenses immediately

my emotions get stuck

as I try so hard to survive.

Then yet again

her voice enters my heart

to lull my soul.

The song of sweet surrender

relaxes my body.

A sigh of relief.

She holds me,

endlessly.

in that I am learning to trust.

The faith is carrying me on

and so

t h e

d

e

p

t

h

of each experience

nourishes

the seeds hidden in my heart.

As they sprout, my heart opens

wider and wider

to give them more space

for expansion.

A garden of roses

grows here.

I gift you a flower;

bring the beauty

of Life

Home.

Its fragrance

                                       will intoxicate

your being

and draw you

to Her Shore.        

A gift

like a golden thread

                         weaved into

your Life.

1 ---

18 th Nov 2023

Chaos -

shattered pieces

of shiny existence.

Unbearable to witness from the place of hardening.

I hold onto them tightly and it hurts.

My knuckles become white,

my fingers start to bleed.

I can numb myself for a little while longer,

moment by moment

in performance.

Out of the sudden

one morning

the point of exhaustion is upon me.

The supernova of feelings

bursts.

The shattered pieces -

new stars of innocence

in constellation of helplessness.

Cosmic crumbs

floating in chaos

that I don’t seem to find a way about.

This new world

that my mind is restlessly trying

to comprehend,

ceaselessly without success;

is here.

From that point,

I realise the simplicity of just being

in This new world

where my body shakes

in fear

as I allow it to.

From that point,

I realise the sacredness of this bodily vehicle.

From that point

of full surrender,

comes release.

I am comfortably

shattered

into pieces now.

Embodied in the chaos of disintegration.

Simply undone.

Strangely, I can find peace

here now.

This new still-point

becomes the centre

of the chaos;

and around this still-point

the chaos organises itself,

naturally.

And from this one still-point

that I reside at now

I can balance my internal scales;

without the slightest need for adjusting

the chaos around.

This one-pointed

awareness,

this softening,

this allowing,

is like a sword

that cuts through

all matter

and leaves

the Spirit

reborn

again and again,

in continuum

of its evolution.